I Disagree!

It happens to all of us eventually: someone doesn't like what I did or said, someone has a difficult personality or someone just wants to go a different direction than I am. There are many causes of conflict and we are often surprised and hurt by these unexpected disruptions and the breaks in relationships that they produce.

Think about conflicts that you have faced already in your life? What was the real issue? Did you understand it at first or did it only come out later? Was there resolution and forgiveness? Who initiated the resolution?

We have all dealt with conflict because it is such a natural occurrence in daily interaction, in class, at work, in the family and even with best friends. But the real question is what do we do with it? It is not something we can avoid, so we need to know how to work through it, how to grow from it and how to strengthen our relationships through it. Remember that conflict itself is not negative or positive but how we deal with it can be destructive or constructive. Conflict is neutral.

So we need to develop the skills to work through conflict because we know it is going to happen. First, we need to get to the source of the problem. This is sometimes a difficult task because we don't understand all the variables of the situation or the people involved. Second, we need to focus on the value of the person. Remember that our relationship is always more important than proving that I'm right. Third, we need to balance grace and truth. There is always the right way, the gracious way to say things even when there are difficult things to say. One thing that I have found is that most people these days struggle with insecurity and identity issues. These issues always lead to conflict because of defensiveness -- no one wants to feel like others know more or know better because we each want to feel valued and in control of our own lives. So when I initiate the affirmation of the other person, letting them feel valued, I cut off their tendency toward self-defense. I must let them know immediately that they are important and that their contribution is also important. This goes a long way in establishing an environment where we can deal with other issues and reach an agreement. This is GOOD leadership, leadership that expects conflict to come and works to grow their team and each relationship through constructive conflict resolution.

Here is the link to the PPT on Conflict Resolution: https://docs.google.com/presentation/.../edit?usp=sharing

I look forward to hearing how God will use you to bless and serve others. Please feel free to comment on these posts or send me a personal message @journeyofjoy.

Teamwork is beautiful!

Though many of us think of leadership with a "do it yourself" or a "lone ranger" perspective, this approach is not biblical or even practical. The New Testament is very clear regarding the Body of Christ, each part/person serving in coordination and cooperation with the rest to minister to the needs of each other and to the world around us. Paul traveled with a team of coworkers, Silas, Timothy, Barnabas, Luke and others. Moses developed a team of leaders from each tribe and worked closely with Aaron and later Joshua. Jesus called 12 men to spend every day with Him in ministry for nearly 3 years. God has created us to work in relationship and this means teams working together to accomplish the vision, much more than we could ever hope to do on our own.

What is a good team? There are many ways to describe a good team but probably 3 things are needed most. DIVERSITY is essential because it brings many skills, interests and talents to the team. If someone else on my team has different skills than I do, their contribution doubles our effectiveness! Now we are each able to focus on the areas that we are good at and let the other person cover for our weaknesses. ORGANIZATION involves clear communication and coaching from those who understand both the people on the team and the steps that must be taken to achieve the goal. These people are commonly called team leaders or coaches because they encourage others to work together and to do their best but they also create community and relationships between the members of the team. The other element is evaluation, which lets people know what needs to be done in what order. The GOAL is the one clear purpose, the end result that everyone is working toward. Without a clear goal there is no clear vision for the team and this only creates confusion and dissension about what we are doing and why we are doing it. This goal is set by the leader but must have the support of the whole group for a real team to exist.

There are several beautiful pictures of teamwork in the Bible, but my favorite is the group who took their paralyzed friend to Jesus. They broke through the roof of the house where Jesus was speaking to a crowd of people and lowered the bed of their friend right into the middle of the room. Can you imagine the determination of these men and their communication through this process? "Well, how do we get in?" "I have an idea!" Really, what is it?" "Listen, first we..." Nothing could stand in their way because they knew what had to be done and worked together to make it happen - getting their friend to Jesus. This should be our attitude as well - nothing is going to stand in the way of getting our friend to Jesus! But it will always take a team of people working together to accomplish big things!

How well do you work with others? Are you able to clearly communicate the goal? Are you supportive of others with very different ideas and skills than yours? Are you able to build strong relationships through the process of learning to work together? If not, then begin to practice these skills and take time to observe carefully how others work in teams.